{EX}piration Dating – 10 Signs It’s Over.

I love legendary R&B Crooner Johnny Mathis. His toffee skin and perfectly quaffed hair are everything. If he were 30 years younger and a heterosexual we’d probably be married … or at least that’s how things play out in my mind. Anyways, Johnny along with Denise Williams pinned one of my favorite break-up anthems “Too Much … Too Little … Too Late .”

The premise of the song, much like its title is that this couple is utterly Effd  finito. The jig is up … done-sies … roll credits. The  movie ends just-like-this … we are never, ever getting back together Taylor Swift.  The song perfectly articulates what breaking up is all about. In light of cleansing my dating palette for the new year; I thought a post on expiration dating was in order.

How do you know when your relationship has reached its expiration date?

Your lady wood is ever limp. Those butterflies you use to get the moment he/she came around are Noah’s Ark extinct. You feel better when he/she’s not around. In fact, their not being around is a common occurrence. If sharing is caring … then let’s not, and say that we didn’t. Communication is few and far between; you can go days and weeks without speaking. You only “talk” via text. You tell people you’re single. You don’t include them in your plans when people ask … “Oh, he’s busy doing something on that day. In fact, he’s busy forever…” Something’s missing.


1. You just don’t care. You treat your relationship like the Honey Badger would.

2. You stop showing up for one another. Got a wedding? No problem! Definitely put yourself down for a +0. BBQ at your besties next month, no worries! Count me out hot cross buns. Movie Date? Movie don’t-bother-asking-because-the-answer-is-no.

3. Let’s give’m something to talk about. Your conversations are strained.

4. Dream a Little Dream.  Often times dreams can be an extension of our greatest hopes and fears.  When I was in high school I dreamt that my boyfriend ran away from me when another woman appeared. In the dream, I stood in the center of the floor screaming his name as he darted out with his seductress of the night (too much?). The following weekend we were at a festival when my dreams became a reality. It was bizarre, but oddly I felt like things happened exactly the way they were supposed to. He apologized a few days later, but I knew deep down I couldn’t trust him. After all, it was high school — you can’t really trust anyone in high school.

5. Doubt means Don’t. It sucks when something’s off in your relationship. Especially when you don’t have proof, because let’s face it seeing is believing. Listen to your instincts … over the years I’ve learned that inner voice is usually always right. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.

6. LTD. Holding On (When Love Is Gone) *In My Jeffrey Osborne Voice* And that’s no lieeeeeee

7. It’s not You, It’s Me. Last year when I parted ways with LLF, I realized that it wasn’t so much that he had changed … as much as I had changed. Sometimes we outgrow people and relationships. “Keep looking forward, ain’t nothing behind you but some stuff you can’t change” – Gabrielle Union

8. It’s not Me, It’s You.  Mitches be trippin’. Sometimes the other person is just eff’ing nuts. Unless you want to be featured on an episode of “I Survived” gather your belongings and private dance it outta there Tina Turner.

9. To the Left, To the Left. You deserve to be happy. You deserved to be loved. You deserve to be with someone who thinks you’re amazing and doesn’t treat you like you’re ordinary. You’re not ordinary. Don’t waste your time and energy on someone who just doesn’t get it. He/she never will.

10. Know When to Fold’m and Know When to Hold’m. On some level you just know it’s over or as Glenda the Good Witch would say “You Always Had the Power .” 

About The.Pretty.One

"I will never be the woman with the perfect hair, who can wear white and not spill on it.” - Carry Bradshaw The Pretty One is the youngest daughter of a former 70s pageant queen and her first husband, a wealthy financier. A former debutante and southern belle, this Steel Magnolia is anything but. A visionary, she is the owner and creative mind behind a successful boutique communications and event firm. But what I really want to do is dance ... and blog.
This entry was posted in 80s Nostalgia, Being Single, Beyonce', Break-Up, Cheating, Commitment, Dating, Fate, free advice, Gays, Girls Who Like Boys, Going Out, High School, Humor, Love, Men, Notes To Self, random rants, Relationships, Top 10 Lists, Why You Have No Boyfriend, Why You Have No Girlfriend, Why You're Single, Women, WTF and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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