My great aunt use to say “the older you get, the better you should look.” For instance, at some point you realize rocking a side pony may not translate into the workplace. “The older you get, the better you should look.”
I’m going to add to this, the older you get, the better you should look (and act). Be better … know better … do better …
The Holy Bible makes mention of this in I Corinthians 13. If you’re not familiar it says “When I was a child, I was speaking as a child, I was led as a child, I was thinking as a child, but when I became a man, I ceased these childish things.”
To this end, allow me to chat briefly about righting wrongs or in this case “writing” my wrongs.
Recently (and by recently I mean two days ago/this morning) I was offered an opportunity to work on a project. The project not only afforded me a creative card blanche, as well as a substantial retainer and extended income (in addition to my full-time gig, that keeps me quite busy). The Catch? The client is someone that I use to know; and by use to know, I mean in the Biblical sense … and in the Biblical sense I mean I’ve seen him naked on several occasions over several years. Which honestly isn’t a big deal at this point; however, something just didn’t feel right.
While this man is a smart man; where our past dealings are concerned he proved himself ignorant on more than one occasion. He is well spoken, and yet managed to say (and sometimes shout into a sea of people) some things I dare not recite here. He’s traveled to an array of amazing places; many of which were round trip on the hot mess express with yours truly. UNTIL … I decided to stop the train and get off. I left. And I made peace with the something that I learned long ago which is sometimes things fall apart …
When I was younger, I thought that every ending needed an exclamation mark to stick. It’s over!! Rot in hell!! I’m done!!! Whatever!!! I needed and not so secretly craved, the big … dramatic finish. And while saying “Rot in hell!!” brought comfort or a certain level of validation on some level, in the end nothing was different or better. Two people decided not to be in one another’s lives any more. The end.
And so after years of not feeling any better or worse or different … I finally realized I don’t get to tell people how terrible they are. I don’t get to say “rot in hell.” That’s not my place. It’s not anyone’s place to tell another human being how terrible they are. Wait … whatttt? Yes, you read that correctly.
But what about if XY and Z. Of course there are extreme situations where this goes out the window. But I’m purely focusing on relationships or friendships that have gone array. To that end, I (and you) don’t get to constantly tell someone how bad they suck.
So what do we get to do? I’m glad you asked … We get to A. Accept a person for who they are and act accordingly or B. I get to leave and not have any dealings with that person. It doesn’t mean that I don’t feel some kind of way about them. It simply means, I remove myself from situations and/or people that present themselves as a liability and not an asset.
When I said goodbye to this person initially, it actually wasn’t that difficult because there is a lot I don’t have time to write. I will say that things had just come to a place where I needed to leave for my own sanity. And I believe the moment when things came to a head for me I realized that because I had changed (he, like always was just being himself – which in that moment was incredibly obnoxious) I could no longer be apart of the foolishness that was us. Nevertheless, I said goodbye. And in a non-dramatic fashion, I just left. Happily and quietly.
Circling back around to present day … I’m sitting down reviewing the scope of work after having spent the last 48 hours with “The Client” before signing my contact and I came to myself. I can’t do this … Why would I go back into the lion’s den. I can’t do this. And I don’t have to.
Yes, the extra money and notoriety of this would be great … but I just can’t do it. What’s the saying … “Not all money is good money” Yeah, that one. And so I just said no.
And while he didn’t go quietly into the day, I know that I made the best (and right) decision for me … Thank God!!!