Don’t Cry for Me …
Let me preface this by saying that I am not a sports fan in any shape, form or fashion. In fact, I loathe sports and all things sports related with the exception of former Toronto Raptor/My Faux Baby’s Daddy — Vince Carter. We exchanged pleasantries at a post awards party in the City of Angels circa 2002. I was completely obliterated via Zima (Yes, the malt liquor beverage with a twist of
lame cool) and awkwardly sexy danced on a member of his entourage. Vince, being the consummate genteel beaux, commandeered a bottle of water for me and his hand ever so slightly grazed my left boob during the exchange. So yeah, we pretty much shared a moment. #ThingsGroupiesSay
But I digress …
Today I spent the majority of my Sunday, Funday stilettos deep in mimosas and a “My Fair Wedding Marathon.” I’m getting married
soon at some point — I think and well, you know what … other people’s love lives/weddings are my sports. There. I said it … don’t judge me. So I’m nine episodes in when I realize Vanity Six … it’s Super Match Sunday!
As my middle name is Honey Badger, I honestly could give two
left testies free throws about the match. Even as I sit here, my fingers stroking the keys, I couldn’t tell you which gang won or lost. The only teams that come to mind are Da Bearsss and Da Bulllsss, both hailing from the windy city (should this be capitalized??) I was however, crystal clear on the mid-match errr half-time entertainment — spotlight on The Original Queen of Pop, Madge; which I believe I retained through the process of fierce-mosis at the salon last week.
Just in time to let my body movvveee to the music, Hey.HEY.Heyyyy. There she twirled in an embellished black onesie, gold encrusted helmet and Witches of East Wick thigh high boots. If anyone dared question whether or not she still had “it,” her 2nd round off into a back tuck over Jesus’s head should have solidified that Madge is to legit, too legit to quit. M-diddy can’t stop, won’t stop. Take that … Take That … Take That!
Case and point … Last week, at the tender age of
25 31 I struggled through an intermediate Pilates class at the gym. Meanwhile, back at the Super Match … Madge’s left leg is grande jete’ing with Jesus (not the Christ), her back up dancer at stage left – while her right is downward facing dog. And she’s pushing what 50 … 55? If she’s currently single, she won’t be for long. Hell, I’d tap that!
And as if it wasn’t enough that she’s still able to pop, drop and lock it … she was kind enough to share the limelight with ohhhhh — Everyone! Cee-Lo … Nicky Minaj … The Olson Twins … Run D … M and C … <Insert Your Favorite Celebs Name Here>. As “Like a Prayer” piped through my speakers, I braced myself for Eddie King, Jr. A.K.A “Leon” to reprise his role as “Mysterious Black Jesus (the Christ, not the back up dancer)” in a groovy
night club Super Match half time scene. And as the performers kick ball chained their way into the twinkling “World Peace” big finish, I could have sworn Kim K was serving majestic jazz hands along with the other less talented siblings two sisters in the faux gospel choir. Seventy two minutes later I realized “I just got caught up in all the excitement of the show.”
Regardless of my views on sports or Super Match 49 in general, it ain’t hard to tell Nas … It’s a Madge, Madge World.
What was your favorite part of the match?