I just finished reading an article on People.com, my news source, about Dougie Howser, MD (i.e. Neil Patrick Harris) and his beau (i.e. his better half, David Burtka). They recently did a romantical (yes, romantical is a “real” word — google it) spread in Out‘s annual Love Issue.
As I’m skimming through the article , I’m awe struck by NPH’s take on labels in love … “I’m not the biggest fan of the word ‘partner’: It either means that we run a business together or we’re cowboys,” he says. ” ‘Boyfriend’ seems fleeting, like maybe we met two weeks ago. I’ve been saying ‘better half’ for as long as I’ve been able to. I think it’s a little self-deprecating and clearly defines that we’re in a relationship, but it would be nice to say ‘my husband.’ “ His words a resounding I Told You So to the ghost of label-less guys’ past. For me, if you like it … then you should put a label on it.
In life, labels keep us safe. Without them how would we know things are slippery when wet? Or that men are at work and not just playing with strong-like-bull drills on the interstate. They are the reason we know tigers love pepper and hate cinnamon. Soooo, the last part may have been reaching, but hopefully you gathered the gist … both tigers and people like to know what they are putting in their mouth before they chew it up and swallow it. In love, labels dictate whether couples are “Just Married” OR “Just A Couple of Humans.”
In all fairness, there are times when ambiguity isn’t necessarily a bad thing. For instance, a rabbi and a priest walk into TGI Fridays. The bartender asks what they’d like to drink and the priest immediately says “wine.” The rabbi says, “We’re in TGI Fridays … I’m not expecting you to turn water into wine … go crazy!” I am cringing as I’m writing this right now … full disclosure, I’m on a low calorie eating plan and in my head that was
incredibly moderately funny. Which means it may be time for me to eat a meal piece of cheese … Any whose …
As a 31 year old single woman, I’m not comfortable referring to a man over the age of 21 as my “boyfriend.” It immediately invokes the image of Jake Ryan standing in front of his red Porche sporting skinny jeans, a sweater vest and the male version of f*ck me boots. Jake Ryan was cute, but who are we kidding Jake Ryan wasn’t built to carry a mortgage and a Baby Bijorn on his perfectly chizzled chest and abs.
“Boyfriend” is light and airy … to quote NPH, it seems “fleeting.” Crepes taste amazing, but I wouldn’t eat them expecting to sustain myself through a marathon. No – I need something more substantial. Something that’s not only decadent and yet filling with substance. I need the French Grand Slam (yes, the one from Denny’s – that one, don’t judge me). And again … did I mention I am restricting my calories right now?? Yes.
I was recently asked if it was “All or Nothing with (me)?” To which I emphatically responded, “Yes!” I am committed to “doing the most … not the lesser.” I suppose there are some people who are comfortable investing twenty or thirty percent of themselves. And others who are comfortable doing ten percent. I am not one of those people. When I sign on … I am one hundred and twenty percent in. I am “I will not be ignored Dan” committed. I am the Robert Frost of all
or nothing. For I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep … and miles to go before I sleep.
Wishing you everything that is good and wonderful this year … in life, and more importantly in love.
xo, The Pretty One.