What the Frock ?!?

I just received my new Cosmo, which oddly I was unaware I subscribed to, and I’m perplexed by this years “trends.” Most of which are Too legit – Too legit to … work :/Apparently, some of the hottest designers got caught in a time machine with Marty and Doc. Destination: 1986.

Wonder Twins power activate … Form of, fashion dont’s.

Bringing up the rear at #10 there’s the “The Tough Pleated Mini.” The pleated micro minis are reminiscent of “Hey Mickey” cheerleading costumes (you know who you are!), others like Alex Wang and Derek Lam fashioned theirs for cool girls circa The Legend of Billy Jean.

Winter Crop Tops made their way to the #9 spot, because apparently nothing says baby its cold outside like a mid drift – who’s bright idea was this?

Camel anything dominates the #8 spot as fall’s go-to “It” neutral. Slow down fashion gods!!! You guys are going ca-razy this year mixing it up. Camel … really? Again.

“Fantasy Ox Blood” beat out “Majestic Bleeding Armadillo” for the #7 spot. Honestly, I was intrigued by this one until I figured out that “Fantasy Ox Blood” is another word for … “deep burgundy.” *Holds pinky to mouth* Nice try DKNY 😉

Cabbage patching their way to the #6 … “Artful Graffiti Pants”  or as I like to call them “Nothing but an ultra perm.” Artful graffiti pants is what happened when stonewashed jeans had unprotected sex with a box of magic markers. Hated it. On the plus side the pants come with an autographed Eddie $ cassette. Enjoy.

For the cat lady on the go, #5 Patchwork sweaters are this season’s must have. Riigggghhhttttt … because who can resist quilt? *Cut to Tyra Banks* “Just throw a belt on the waist and you can wear this anywhere.” Let’s not, and say that we didn’t, Tyra.

Remember the ruffled shirt/blouse Seinfield episode? Well if you happen to own a ruffle shirt, you might consider paring it with “Big, Beautiful Pants,” the #4 fashion trend. According to designers Zac Posen and Richard Chai they’re a fall must have. I actually like the Big, Beautiful Pants. They’re old Hollywood glam. Unfortunately, if you’re a hobbit, like 90% of the non-supermodel little women are – you might want to steer clear of this budding trend. They’re what a I like to call FGO’s or For Glamazons Only.

Swooping in at #3  are capes and ponchos. Color me surprised. During the early 2000s I was the poncho queen. I had one in every color. Even slept in a poncho once or twice. And then POOF! Overnight, ponchos went for pon-cho to pon-NO! I vowed that day to never sport one again. “Poncho you’re dead to me!” I shouted as I shipped them off to the poncho graveyard, by way of my local thrift store. And now, the 2010 fashion gods say ponchos and capes are all the rage. I’m not buying it, and by “it” I mean a poncho. Or a cape. Fool me once … shame on poncho. Fool me twice … shame on me.

*In my best Coming to America voice” What is that velvet … this is beautiful! Velvet & Velour reign supreme as the #2 fall trend. Finally something I can get on bored with. I have been a long time supporter of velvet and the velvet movement. As a matter of fact, a lot of people don’t know this but the infamous “let them eat cake” quote from Marie-Antoinette (1755-93), the Queen consort of Louis XVI, was shortened. Seriously. The original quote was “let them wear velvet.” Unfortunately, she didn’t have enough to share – so she improvised and suggested that the people eat cake instead. Google it. You know … because who doesn’t like cake? Or more importantly who doesn’t like velvet?

The #1 Fall Fashion Trend is “The Sexy Turtleneck.” Swear to Prada, if had a dollar for everytime some guy sent over a cocktail in awstruck by my sexy turtleneck I’d be extremley … parched.  However, Temperley London; Preen; Proenza Schouler and Alexander Wang are just a few of backing this trend. While they’re not really my style, there is a naughty librarian somewhere stockpiling these by the pile, Y2K style. Meanwhile the rest of us are left to ponder the age old question … What the frock?!?

 Which trends will you be stamping the runway in this fall??

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About The.Pretty.One

"I will never be the woman with the perfect hair, who can wear white and not spill on it.” - Carry Bradshaw The Pretty One is the youngest daughter of a former 70s pageant queen and her first husband, a wealthy financier. A former debutante and southern belle, this Steel Magnolia is anything but. A visionary, she is the owner and creative mind behind a successful boutique communications and event firm. But what I really want to do is dance ... and blog.
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